We all have heroes of the faith. Our grandmas, or a friend who lived it out true and proper, or a historic Christian who inspires us. Here are three of my heroes - I don’t name them, but describe their situation. And each situation involves children, or rather, the absence of them.
Children are a key to opening the door of the kingdom. Jesus makes this clear when he pops a child among adults and says ‘the kingdom belongs to such as these’. But we also need to note that kids might also be a lock on the door to the kingdom. What could I mean by that?
Just this. That a love for children and a need to have them might actually keep you out of the kingdom of heaven. Remember again to a moment of discipleship from the gospels. I described last week.
26 Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” 27 Peter answered him, “We have left everything to follow you! What then will there be for us?”
28 Jesus said to them, “Truly I tell you, at the renewal of all things, when the Son of Man sits on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. 29 And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life.
One of the things we may not have noticed before is that at least some of the disciples left children behind when they hit the road to learn Jesus’ way. At least for a time. I have always imagined a happy band of bachelors on a kind of men’s convention that never stopped. But Jesus seems to suggest that these men took significant costs to follow him, and one of them was some serious time away from their children.
Peter reports this with a kind of finality. We have left everything! We know Peter was married. Jesus heals his mother-in-law. It’s likely he had kids. When he says ‘We have left everything’, I think he meant it.
Let’s leap from the page to our age, and note that one of the things that might genuinely call people away from following Jesus is the gut-urgent desire to have kids and to place them front and centre in life ahead of the kingdom.
This is not an academic complaint. It cost Peter to follow Jesus. Doesn’t it cost you? It cost him. While Jesus’ point here is that you will not ultimately lose if you follow him, the point has to be made because we really might lose some things to follow him.
I note that one of the things that might genuinely call you away from following Jesus is the gut-urgent desire to have kids.
Therefore, I want to comfort the distressed Peter, and acknowledge and honour some people who have in real ways given up children to follow Christ. These are some of my heroes of faith who don’t get much of a shout out in church life. They certainly don’t feel heroic. I don’t want to valourise their loss, but I do want to note its’ essential faith.
1. Those who are long-term single for Christ
I have many brothers and sisters who have been and remained single as they just did not find a suitable marriage in faith. Some never went near marriage, let alone kids. Some, perhaps more painfully, went near marriage but did not keep going. They decided their near-marriage was not honouring to Christ. They remembered their first vows to him.
Many, many Christians have decided to follow Jesus at the cost of such companionship, and with the attendant grief of lost future kids. I know this should be obvious, but I just want to point out how remarkable this is. I want to honour it.
2. Ethical options close earlier on fertility for many Christians
Here are some brothers and sisters you may not have thought of. Many Christians cannot say yes to every fertility option offered them at the IVF clinic. These believers draw lines in treatment way way before the doctors will. And they have to stare down doctors and say ‘sorry, my conscience says I can only take option A, B and C’ – when they are being offered the A-Z.
I want to honour this deeply costly and counter-cultural discipleship.
3. Gay, celibate and single
Finally, I have many gay Christian brothers (I know less gay Christian sisters, but I know many brothers) who are gay in orientation, celibate in practice and single for life. This, I believe with many others, is the way of Jesus for my Christian brothers. But the loss of companionship is real! And occasional fellowship is sadly often a poor substitute for regular companionship. Of course, if you are single and celibate you can be fairly confident you are saying goodbye to being a parent too. At least a blood parent.
There is no doubt, just no doubt, that the deep and deeply understandable desire to have children in our lives is, for some, a real barrier to staying on the path of the kingdom. Yet the kingdom does call us to not cling onto children at any cost. This is, very challenging, I know. But also very clear.
If the kingdom has a door, in this case, children strangely appear, among the many possible locks. Let us honour and love those who do not put children before Christ.